Monday, April 29, 2013

Where have I been? Where am I going?

Well...the question seems to be "Michelle, where have you been?"

It's funny really. I am right here.

I am right here where I need to be. I am right here where I want to be.

It seems like I have been on a search again. Not a search to find me but maybe a search to find everyone else. It's not that I want to know where everyone else is. It's that I NEED to know. I need to know who is surrounding me. I need to know that my surroundings are filled with positive influences. I need to be surrounded by Godly people. People that are going to build me up.

Change is happening. I enjoy change a lot. Sometimes I know that change is scary to some people but complacency scares me even more. I cannot and will not become complacent with my life. Not with my walk with God. Not with my friendships. I want constant change. Constant growth.

Lately, I have been enjoying some solitude with my family. I have discovered that I LOVE just spending time with them doing NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. Grilling on Sunday afternoons and playing ball outside with Jase. We sit on the front porch and talk about anything that comes to mind. We sit silently for as long as possible in the hopes that a rabbit or a deer will sneak up on us and we can watch them play. That is hard for my little one but he manages sometimes not to laugh. We don't really care about seeing the animals. It is just something to bring some laughter to that front porch. It is part of the change. Learning to be content with your family. Not needing to be influenced by anyone else. Teaching my children that friends may come and go but we (their parents and siblings) will ALWAYS be there. That is harder for the teenagers but something that I want them to know forever. I want them to stop looking outward and around at others. I want them to start looking inward for their answers and start seeking the advice of their parents.

Just like them, I need to stop looking around at others for acceptance and guidance and accept myself and look inward to hear my fathers voice. Seek his voice in the chaos known as life. Seek his influence amoung the worldly.

So you see, I know exactly where I am. My question is "Where are you?"