5MF-Home

Go...

What is home to me?

I remember setting up a tent in the yard on Saturday for a birthday slumber party. Maybe it was my 10th or 11th and I had been allowed to go to an ALL NIGHT SKATE on Friday night. I remember having water balloon fights that left me with endless giggles and scars on my elbows. I remember a patch of dirt between the trees in the side yard where my little would play. A pink huffy bicycle that my brother used to learn to ride with no training wheels. A horse that was relentless and left me upside down holding on for dear life.

All of these are memories that I have of home.

The only home I remember where my parents were happy. They loved each other. I think back then the liked each other too. They slept in the same bed. They smiled and laughed. Home to me is that white house on the corner. I go back there every.single.time I make a trip to NC. I go there ALOT in my dreams.

In those dreams, the house is so different. Just as our lives changed, so did the house.

That is home to me. That is also a place I will never be able to go again.

Stop...

Confession: I went over 45 seconds :)

Letting Go...

I got my feelings hurt today. You know the kind of hurt feelings where you have the lump in your throat and you fight the tears for hours. The hurt feelings that come from nowhere. The hurt feelings that could have been avoided completely with a simple discussion.

The discussion didn't happen. The feeling were hurt. The tears came even through the avid fight that I fought.

I was told to "Toughen up". I know I should. I know I shouldn't let hurting people hurt me but I can't help it. When someone does something deliberately to you, you just can't help it.

I do not like this emotion. This feeling of betrayal. This feeling of shame. This feeling of holding back when I really want to let go. Not the let go and let God kind of let go but the "Why did you feel that you needed to do this to me SCREAM and release of the tears kind of let go"

Instead, I am letting God heal my heart. Instead, I will love. I will not be angry. I will smile until my emotions are under control. I will forgive.

I will let go.

“It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!” Luke 17:1

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, … mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long suffering; forebearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts. …” (Col. 3:12–13, 15.)