5MF-Home

Go...

What is home to me?

I remember setting up a tent in the yard on Saturday for a birthday slumber party. Maybe it was my 10th or 11th and I had been allowed to go to an ALL NIGHT SKATE on Friday night. I remember having water balloon fights that left me with endless giggles and scars on my elbows. I remember a patch of dirt between the trees in the side yard where my little would play. A pink huffy bicycle that my brother used to learn to ride with no training wheels. A horse that was relentless and left me upside down holding on for dear life.

All of these are memories that I have of home.

The only home I remember where my parents were happy. They loved each other. I think back then the liked each other too. They slept in the same bed. They smiled and laughed. Home to me is that white house on the corner. I go back there every.single.time I make a trip to NC. I go there ALOT in my dreams.

In those dreams, the house is so different. Just as our lives changed, so did the house.

That is home to me. That is also a place I will never be able to go again.

Stop...

Confession: I went over 45 seconds :)

5MF-Afraid

Time to link up again with Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. It's so easy. Grab the button, blog for 5 minutes and share!

Let's go...

Afraid...when I think of that word I automatically think about literal fear. Fear of spiders, the dark, heights, etc but let's get real right now.

What am I really afraid of?

*failure

*someone finding out that in June of 2009 I did the unthinkable and until last year, what I felt unforgivable.

*not being accepted

*my kids not being able to succeed in life due to my lack of parenting skills

*being alone

*not ever having an intimate relationship with Jesus

*never letting go and truely worshipping my God

*speaking up (I know to some that is a funny statement but trust me, when it's important to me I HOLD BACK)

Well, there ya have it. Some of my inner fears that I hate owning up too or even admitting.

Anyone else have these issues?

Time's up!

Happy Friday

5 Minute Friday-Cherished

Let's go...

Cherished are the moments of solitude I have experienced as of late.

Cherished is the moment I realized how awesome the solitude has been. A refreshing solitude that has allowed me to overcome some insecurities.

Cherished is the moment I realized that longing for solitude is ok. It does not mean there is anything wrong with me.

Cherished is the moment my heart felt ok with being content in my home with my family. A contentness that the 4 walls of a house has not been able to provide for a long time. Cooking supper, laughing in the kitchen while dancing in socks.

Cherished is the moment that I can't wait to leave the place that provides me a paycheck to get to the place that provides me with happiness! The place where 4 hearts are entangled with mine to produce a love that is unspeakable. A love that fills me with joy.

Cherished are the moments. Cherished is my family. Cherished is my life!

Stop!

Come on over and blog with us!!

5 Minute Friday: Stay

Let's go...

There were so many things that came to mind when I read the word STAY but what sticks out the most are my two boys.

Christopher is 21 and Jase is 3.

They are both moma's boys. They love their moma. Most boys do don't they? But their love is different.

Their love is sweet. Their love is unconditional. Their love is sappy.

They look at me like the girls don't. When they look at me they see safety. They see shelter.

I remember seeing in Christopher the vulnerablity that I see in Jase today. That heart that is easily broken.

I know that without a doubt they would both fight for their moma and their moma would fight for them.

Noone will ever be good enough for my boys.

I never want them to be anyone's boys but mine.

I want them to stay that way forever.

I want them to stay small at heart.

I want them to stay vulnerable.

I want them to stay open and full of fun.

I want them to stay just the way they are.

I want them to stay!

Time's up!

5 Minute Friday: Quiet

March 1, 2012 changed my life. It was the day that my employer of 6 years decided that my services were no longer needed. They decided that my last 6 years of hard work and dedication meant nothing and my sincere adoration of my job was no longer of their concern.

Since that day, I have had lots of days of quiet.

During those quiets days I have learned of so many things. I have learned of love of the father. My heart has been raw in front of the man I call on for help. My emotions have been wishy washy and my pride has been crushed.

During those days of quiet I have found peace. I have found laughter. I have found dancing. I have found refreshment. I have found faith. I have found joy.

I have renewed my mind. I have found my purpose.

I did all of this all alone. I did this with intention. I did this all in the quiet.

I am thankful for this quiet. It changed me.

Time's up :)