Monday, March 10, 2014

The hobo life...

It is quite possible that only in NC do people crumble sausage and fry it in a pan and then scramble eggs in it for a mixture that we like to call a "hobo". The mixture is then put between 2 pieces of bread for a yummy sandwich. Not one person in TN has ever heard of it-not anyone that I have met anyway. However, this is totally not a post about a sandwich but more about the concept of the sandwich.

For the past few weeks my life has felt like a hobo sandwich.

A bunch of emotions thrown together in pan and mixed all up then shoved back into my heart and I have been trying really hard to make it look pretty. The thing is that I can't keep trying to make it look like something it's not. If I were to take those emotions out and really look at them they would be really ugly.

They would look like confusion, chaos, fear, unworthiness, hopelessness, lack and none of those are pretty little Jesus girl emotions. Are they?

I have met so many people that feel that if you are experiencing any of those emotions then you are weak and out of God's will but lucky for me I am not one of those people.

You see, to me, the confusion and chaos, the fear and lack, the hopelessness..those are places of learning. Those are places of brokenness and out of brokenness comes great things. Great revelations. Out of those emotions I search for answers.

I find that these emotions scare the heck out of most people and I used to be one of those people. I would shut down like Fort Knox and put on my Jesus girl mask and pretend like everything is just fine. I would get so lost in the "I'm OK" lie that I convinced myself that I was when the God's honest truth was that I was dying inside. My spirit was screaming for my savior to bust down the door and rescue me but the sweetest thing about Jesus is that he isn't that guy. He will knock on the door but you MUST invite him in. We have to cry out to him for help.

When we refuse to look these things in the face and cry out to Jesus for answers we will continue to be stuck. Stuck in the chaos and confusion. Stuck in the place where we try to handle everything on our own. Stuck in that lie that 'We are Ok' when clearly our inside is in knots, we don't know if we are coming or going and we are slowly but surely getting angry with the one that is here for us always.

I don't if you are in that place. I don't know why you are in that place. But if you are there trust me when I say that you are in a great place. If you are tired of doing it all on your own and you are tired of faking it with the pretty smile and the "I'm ok" lie you tell yourself and others then you are almost there!

Run to the feet of Jesus. Tell him your confused, tell him you are falling apart and apart from him you are nothing but a bundle of emotions. Tell him that you are angry at him-he can handle it. Tell him that you are 2 "I'm ok"'s away from screaming.

Most importantly tell him you need him! You need him more than the very breath you breathe. Tell him that his peace makes you whole and comforts you and that you need to feel that every second of the day. Tell him that you are just a little girl that needs her heavenly daddy to believe in her. Tell him that you need him to wrap his arms around you and say "I am here and it's gonna be ok".

He loves you! He has always loved you! He will always love you!

Run to him and never look back!

Never look back until the next time life comes at you and when life comes at you remember where you found peace the last time. Remember that Jesus is there. He is always there.


No comments:

Post a Comment