Wondering eyes...

Do you ever wonder if your kids pay you any attention? Well I did. I have often thought about the little things. For example: Do they notice that I wear a lot of blue and that is one of my favorite colors? Do they notice that I would prefer to have a bowl of cereal for supper than pork chops, mashed potatoes, etc but I cook that for them? Do they notice that even though I blame them for making us run late in the mornings that it is really me? :)

For Mother's Day this year, the hubby tells my girls that maybe they should get me a BAM gift card. But instead I received 2 really pretty hanging baskets for the front porch. They are beautiful and I love them. What I love most is that the girls noticed that I have been really trying to make my front porch look homey. I have been admiring others front porches for several months and commenting on how cute they are.



Then Alyssa said something to me that blew me away. She said to me, "Mom, are you sure you are ok with the flowers? I haven't seen you get caught up in a good book in long time."

She is looking. She is watching. She is taking me in...my actions, my words, my beliefs.

I am more aware now. I am more aware of what I am doing. I am more aware of my actions.

She is 15. Her sister is 13. Her brother is 3.

They are all watching. I pray that I am the example they need. I pray that they see the God loving mom that I long to be. Sometimes I am concerned that it is too late for them. I have already damaged their opinion of me but then I find notes that say "I find myself more and more like my mom and I couldn't be more proud" and that makes me proud.

But am I being something that they can be proud of?

Sometimes I don't think I am. Sometimes I find myself being exactly what they need. Sometimes I find myself lacking but every.single.time I find God taking up the slack. Being the bridge that fills in the gap. Turning my ashes to beauty. Building me up in their eyes. It's like they look at me and don't see the flaws. They don't see the weakness and I know they see me through God's eyes.

For that I am so thankful. For that I will be forever grateful. For that I will praise God. For that I will have peace.

Always remember...they are watching!