Fear

Today at 12:03 I sit at my desk full of mixed emotions about the tragedy that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

For the parents of the victims I feel sorrow and grief. I cannot imagine the pain they must be feeling. The anger toward a man they have never met. The confusion about why this happened to their family.

For the parents of the survivors I feel absolute JOY. Joy that they were able to snuggle up to their little ones on Friday night and smell their little kid scent. They were able to brush their hair back from their faces while they slept or while they comforted them after waking from nightmares that remind them of their day. I imagine the relief that they felt when they arrived at the school to find their children alive and well. The overwhelming feeling of LOVE that wrapped around their heart when they picked them up and held them in their arms.

For the surviving students and teachers I am sure there is unspoken guilt because they survived. They have a chance to live their life as God intended but with a cloud of fear. The fear of going back to the place it all happened. The constant wonder of what if's. What if it had been me instead of my brother or sister. What if my teacher had been a coward instead of a hero? Was I saved for a purpose? What if I was given a chance to do great things and fail? The pressure to take this chance at life and make it all that God intended.

Then I think about the rest of America waking up to send their kids into the world today. Parents, like myself, sending my kids into this world of uncertainty, insanity and meanness. A world full of confusion that would prefer to believe in Santa Claus than Jesus.

That world is scary. That world is full of hate. That world is full of derangement, hatred and lies.

That world is also full of love. That world is full of hope. That world was created by our father in heaven. The one that loved the WORLD so much that he sent his son as a sacrifice for it. A sacrifice that could save them all. The ignorant ones that posted this sign in Times Square. A sacrifice that loves the shooter in Sandy Hook. A sacrifice that will live on forever no matter what fearful things this world may hold.

I choose the world full of hope. I refuse to let fear rule my life. I will NOT allow the man that went into Sandy Hook Elementary control my world. My children will know that I love them everyday. Not because they may never come home. Not because my world was shaken due to tragedy but because it is truth and one they need to know daily! My children will go to school and receive the education that they desire. They will not be kept at home out of a fearful gesture. They will walk out the door and into AMS, UHS and SPS with a prayer of protection surrounding them, the holy spirit guiding them and prayers of wisdom. Wisdom to take cover if something should happen. Supernatural wisdom to guide them through anything.

God forbid anyone that I know should have to endure such tragedy. God forbid my children lose their life to something so tragic as a school shooting, car accident or an illness but if they do, I just hope that I can carry on with my life knowing that they are in the presence of their father. They are home and I will be reunited with them someday.

My daughter had a childhood friend that lost her battle with cancer this weekend at 15years old. That is so unfair. She had so much life to live. I am struggling today because her earthly father and stepmother will miss her dearly. However, I found out that her biological mother is in heaven. They are reunited right now. They are together worshipping Jesus. While I still grieve for her earthly parents, it's a little harder now. I mean come on...meeting Jesus and your momma in heaven...what a welcome that was for her.

Don't let fear rule life. Don't let this or any other tragedy cripple you. Let love win this battle. Let good conquer. Never forget that Jesus reigns in this place, this place we live in!