Friday, April 27, 2012

Look at me now!

The picture says it all...

Not everyone knows this but I am recovering from a life-changing disorder called "Negative Self-Talk". I have heard of others that suffered from it occassionally but I am convinced that I had the worst case ever. It was really getting me down!

I. AM. CURED. It is no more...Here is how it happened...

For the last 6-7 weeks I have been unemployed (gasp!).

My negative self talk told me that I should be
1. searching for a job everyday.
2. should be saving every single dime I have "just in case".
3. cancel my vacation we planned to visit my mom.
4. take Jase out of daycare.
5. beware of depression.
6. become hard hearted toward the company that eliminated my position.

My God told me I should be
1. finally living that dream he planted in my heart.
2. increase my tithe.
3. visit my mom and cherish the moments and make the most amazing memories.
4. leave Jase right where he is so we did not disrupt his routine.
5. laugh in the face of depression because I was just beginning to really LIVE
6. pray for and love the people at the company that eliminated my position....LIFE HAPPENS!

I chose to listen to MY GOD and can I just say that my life has been changing so much! I had someone pray over me a couple of months ago and he said to me "It's not too late. You will see that God will make a way for you to fulfill your dreams. The big and small, they will come to pass". I hung onto that word and IT IS HAPPENING (I had no idea it meant I would lose my job but 'The Lord works in mysterious ways'" :) ....

My whole life I wanted to go to college. I wanted a degree. Of course, being married, having four children, a full time job, excuse after excuse after excuse prevented me from even entertaining the idea of going back to school. I took the plunge! Today I was accepted to Tennessee Technological University. I had originally wanted to take online classes but I feel God is pushing me to hit the campus. I feel led to make a difference! Live the dream. THE WHOLE DREAM.
I have also really wanted to RUN. I want to complete a 5k. Not just any 5k. I have one specifically on my heart. I know that sounds like a silly thing to want to do but I have really wanted to do it. I wanted to put on my tennis shoes, shorts and tank and hit the ground running. The thought of it feels so invigorating. It makes me feel strong...Guess what?


Everyday (well, 5 out of 7) Jason and I are walking/running 2 miles. Right now, it is more walking than running but my goal is to participate in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure 5k with my friend Alisha! I volunteered last year with our youth group at church (see pic with me and my sweet daughter Alyssa) and I know that nudge I felt about being in the race was God.
I just googled the specifics and it is on MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR. 9-23-2012...That is no coincidence people!!! I DID IT...I officially registered! You can make donations or register with me...LET'S MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
and lastly...I have realized my ministry! This is something God and I have been chatting about A LOT. Several years ago I took a 9 month long bible school and graduated. I was a LHBS graduate. They offered second year and I really struggled with going (I graduate in 7 weeks yay me!) because I didn't have a "ministry" so to speak. There is no title that goes with my name. I am no singer! I am no leader of anything but then it dawned on me that I am the leader of EVERYTHING I encounter. I am a mom! I am a wife! I am a friend! I am someone's inspiration, confidante, mentor! My ministry is everyone I talk to on a daily basis. It may be praying with someone or it may be staying on the phone for 2 hours talking about someone's life. It may be a day in the park just hanging out and talking about kids and marriage. It could be a book club with ladies that I adore! My ministry is being ME! Realizing that has changed my life!

F.R.E.E.D.O.M. comes by self-discovery. It comes by realizing who you are! What you are made of! I have found that knowing that GOD NEVER GIVES UP ON YOU IN THE DARKEST OF SITUATIONS CURES THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK. The God of creation LOVES me! He pulls for me! He is on my side! In my corner! Standing by and watching me fulfill my dreams and rejoicing with me! He knew my time was coming...I just needed the vision! Once it was in my heart is was mine!!! It is the greatest and the most humbling feeling!!

The best part of it all is that it was so SIMPLE! This is the best part of simplicity!!

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